What
a wonderful miracle filled week.
I
think for a lot of my mission I have been seeking the true joy and happiness
the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings. At the beginning of my mission, (just in
case you couldn’t tell I’m still not perfect..) I was trying to find it while
still searching in the world. While still being Natural, which we all know
never works. My pride was heavy and my humility very far away. I’ve been
thinking about this a lot this week, and I realized the humility cycle that the
Lord puts me on. I know there is such a thing as the Pride cycle but I like to
call it the humility cycle because then it makes me feel that I’m getting
closer to Heavenly Father instead of further away from him.
I
learned a lot about humility this week, but I think in a different way then I
normally would. I was thinking about all the ways that I wanted to be different
when I come home. I want to be a strong steward for the Lord for the rest of my
life. I want/need to be a righteous daughter of God, to be worthy of the future
family that I will have one day. I want to help my family, all of us, to return
to the Celestial Kingdom, never being the one holding us back but propelling us
forward. I want to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and I want to live as He lived
and overcome the Natural Man. I don’t want to be of the world, in the world,
but not run over by the world.
But
sometimes I find that I’m still short-sighted. I fall into the trap of desiring
to be here, and having things of the world, more than the Saviour. But I have
to remember that with the Saviour is true joy, happiness and everlasting life.
I think I really do have good intentions and as we know God looks on the
heart, not our outward appearance. And I know that I can repent again and again
and be forgiven as long as the Master still says there is time left.
I
watched a Mormon Message this week about the story of Todd Sylvester. I have
really been thinking about this a lot. He was born in 1968 to a family, with
good intentions, but no belief in God. He grew up a worldly man, with great
skill in basketball which recruited him with scholarships to play at great and
high places. Until it all came crashing down 4 years later, and he wanted to
end his life. He was in the cafeteria at school and he heard 2 girls talking
about fasting and prayer and he asked them about it and decided to try it. He
begged God to show himself, and he went without drugs, and alcohol for the
first time in his life. But he said nothing happened, but he didn’t want to end
his life anymore. A few weeks later a long lost friend, called and said he
wanted to meet up with him. They got together and this friend told Todd, that
God had spoken and He needed Todd on His side today. Todd realized that this
was God speaking to him. And so for a year and a half he desperately tried to
overcome his addictions. He attended Church and got invited to a ward picnic.
And as he sat, they wanted to bless the Hot Dogs which Todd thought very
strange. But he decided to anyway. And that’s when the miracle happened. As he
sat there listening to that pray over the food, there is where his answer came.
He said 2 years later, 733 days later, God had spoken to him and gave him what
he desired. He was surrounded by darkness and he was only RELEASED when he
HUMBLED himself to pray over the hot dogs. He found the hope of God’s light.
This
story impacted me. Humility is a pursuit I’m always trying to attain. I dreamed
a while ago about being at home and it felt strange to me. I was doing things
I’d used to do, and they were seeming to take precedence over all the things
I’d learned as a missionary. The spirit left and I woke up with my heart
racing. (Talk about change of life, waking up because the spirit left) I thought
about it, and realized that I need to make sure that I was always humble enough
to put God first in my life, above all else. And it’s not to say that things at
home are bad, I just needed to make sure that they don’t get in the way of my
humble seeking of the Lord.
In
2 Nephi 9:28-29
28
O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the
foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they
hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know
of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them
not. And they shall perish.
29
But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God.
Elder
Marion D. Hanks said
“It is not enough, is it, to know the scriptures about prayer or
the motions of prayer or the words of prayer. The man who will not humble
himself, really humble himself, before the Lord, ‘receiveth not the things of
the Spirit of God.’ Wrote Paul, ‘for they are foolishness unto him; neither can
he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.’ (1 Cor 2:14) The truths
of eternal life, a prophet has written ‘are only to be seen and understood by
the power of the Holy Spirit, which God bestows on those who love him and
purify themselves before him; to whom he grants this privilege of seeing and
knowing for themselves.” (D&C 76:116-117)
Heavenly
Father knew this battle I would face in life and he has and will continue to
help me overcome and humble myself before him. But what he has done, is given
me the opportunity to choose to be humble. I certainly have had opportunities
that have humbled me, but it always is better when we choose to be humble.
Heavenly Father gave me the opportunity to choose to serve a mission. I felt
prompted that I could go if I chose to, and I did choose too. And it has
completely changed me. I have become such a different person and things that
hadn’t usually stuck out to me as important, are so important now.
Someone
I love very much wrote this to me last week. “ I know that you are giving all
that you have to the Lord – keeping moving forward and sprinting past the
finish line. Your mission will propel you toward experiences that you otherwise
would not have known or perhaps cared about. You are armed with all that you
need to be a great light in this world and true disciple of Christ. This is
just the beginning to an extraordinary eternity for you.”
This
really made me think about what a blessing it has been for me to learn about
humility and learn to really put God first in my life. It has been such a
wonderful learning experience, that hasn’t been easy, but it has been so worth
it.
I
hope that makes sense. I just know that God is aware of me, that His plan is
perfect and that I can do nothing but turn to him and become like him.
In
my experience as teaching as Jesus taught we met a beautiful family this week.
One who is the brother of a member in the ward. We met their family and it was
amazing. They truly are so prepared for the Gospel. We sat down with them and
began chatting about the Gospel and their lives at what stage they are at. She told us
though that her son’s baptism is a high priority on their list. This is just
wonderful. She said herself that she is done partying and she is ready to
change. We were able to testify of the Book of Mormon and the Savior and the
change that comes through the Gospel and it’s like they were just eating out of
our hands. I love when people are so anxious and willing to have the Gospel in
their life. They just know they need it and it fills the hole they didn’t know
was there.
My
feelings of the Savior are very difficult to describe in a few short words, but
I’ll do my best.
Jesus
Christ, is my advocate with the Father. He is my exemplar, brother, and friend,
one who I’m desperately trying to know more, to love more and be just like him.
I
know that my Savior lives. I know he loves me and all of us. I know that
without him I would be nothing, but with him I can do all things. I know that
his Atonement is real, that it envelopes everything and can help us overcome
any problem, addiction, mistake, and sin.
I
love this Gospel. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and I’m so grateful to serve
him and bear his name.
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